Still Here

Yes, I am completely aware that I have not posted here in about a month. The unplanned absence was due to a number of things which did not break my fingers, did not render me unable to remember words, and did not strand me someplace without any sort of electricity or internet. It was mostly a combination of being busy, being out of state, and my own crazy throwing a crazy party in my crazy head.

First, the good stuff, because everyone likes good stuff. I went back to Minnesota to see family and friends and visit where I grew up. I go about twice a year, and while I love having a week of winter with snow and cold...there is something beautiful about the vibrant greenness of a Minnesota summer. As oppressive as the humidity can be and as ravenous as the mosquitos are...there is a persistent, intense, deep passion for everything to be as green as it possibly can be.

I got to visit my best friend's adorable and perfect little baby boy. He is as sweet as he is adorable. I got to visit with my best friend and talk and catch up and discuss how impossible it is that our 10 year high school reunion is next year and that in a few months she will have a one year old child. I saw family friends, and my mom, and biked a total of 24 miles. I saw the new library and talked with the librarians who still remember me from the summers I spent there as a kid. I got a donut from the bakery and saw the house I grew up in.

Pictures!!

So that was the good. Will all of the friends and green and catching up, there was no time to sit down and write.

Now the less good.

As mentioned in Stressy McStresserson work has been sort of a stressful place. Both before I left for Minnesota and after I returned, I've just felt paranoid and resentful towards a few co-workers and in a mental war of standing up for myself and wanting to duck my head and stay under the radar. I know what I need to do, I just need to shove the anxiety aside and do it. Easier said than done, but I will.

Since February, I've sort of felt like things haven't slowed down; one big event after another. All good things, but exhausting none the less. It's like I can't hardly keep up, when I've just about caught my breath, something else comes and I'm off and running again. Some panic attacks have returned as well as just a higher level of constant stress despite my best efforts to keep things in perspective and calm myself.

So, after a few doctor's appointments, I've increased my anti-anxiety medication a little. Hopefully things will calm down again.

I'm trying to get back to things I like, reading and writing and feeling calmer. The busy and crazy have just taken my desire or the feeling of having enough to sit down and write, but I'm fighting for it.

There are other things I want to write about that have been happening, like my making a new friend, but she deserves at least an entire post to herself and I need to think more about how to write it so that it comes across right. It's a complicated situation, sort of out of the box for most people's friendships. But I like her and I don't make many new friends, because I don't enjoy talking to many new people.

A lot of what I've learned this past year is that my anxiety and the way I don't want to deal with crowds or feel the need to have a million friends...that is as much my own unique personality as it is anything else. I don't need to be the life of the party or even like parties. Who I am is enough, and while there are things I would like to do without (anxiety), fundamentally, this is me and nothing has to change. Life isn't high school, I don't "need" to fit myself into a clique. My friends are who I choose to surround myself with, my social life is when I choose to engage in it, the people I love and those who love me understand that and that's why we're friends.

Fiction Friday will return at some point, when things sort of get back on track. It feels good to be back here.

Birthdays and Boats!

So, it's The Boyfriend's birthday on Sunday. He already knows what all his presents are because I'm horrible at keeping secrets when I'm really excited about something. Whatever.

On Tuesday, I made him his birthday "cake". I say cake with quotation marks because it was really more of a birthday cookie and brownie combination. I made him piranha flower cookies. They looked like this.

It was actually pretty easy. Betty Crocker sugar cookie mix made for cut out cookies (already on the package), a circle cookie cutter, a heart cookie cutter (I used the point of the heart to cut out the mouth), a leaf cookie cutter (I made one out of a folded strip of tinfoil), brownie mix. A neat little trick? The triangle that is cut out of the circle, use that to sandwich the cookie pop stick between the cookie and that little cut out piece. (stolen from the internet totally my idea)

Then frost, make brownies and stick everything in the brownies.

They are way to delicious for their own good...and my own good.

The Boyfriend and I are going to Avalon on Catalina Island for the weekend. We're taking the ferry over tomorrow night and staying until Sunday. It's going to be amazing and wonderful and relaxing.

Felix will be spending her weekend at a cat house (for actual cats, not a euphemism for prostitutes). I'm hoping that she'll have so much fun playing with the toys and being loved on by the staff due to her adorableness that she won't be too traumatized by the whole event.

It will be so nice just to get away for a little bit.

P.S. She does this just about every morning as I'm getting ready - lays across the toilet tank and rests her head on the toilet paper roll like a pillow.

Riff-raff? Street rat? I don't buy that.

A lot of good stories are about orphans. Think about it. Superman - planet destroyed, orphan. Batman - parents killed, orphan. Spiderman - parents (and uncle) killed, orphan. It's that great American heroic archetype that I learned about in 7th grade and couldn't forget to save my life. Most heroes in the most popular stories are either fatherless or orphans.

Well, here's another.

This is Fievel. (Yes, as in "An American Tail: Fievel Goes West")

Those are bathroom Dixie cups he is sitting next to.

I found him in the subway station going home from work one day in early July. He was all alone, huddled next to the wall. He was hungry, thirsty, dirty and alone. There was a lady taking pictures of him, because he was so sweet and little. So, naturally, I went over and picked him up. He didn't even try to run away.

He rode in my hand the entire subway ride home. I found an empty Starbucks water cup and put him in there so I could text the boyfriend and ask him if he would be terribly opposed to adopting an orphan in need; who was probably going to be the next great hero. Well, I didn't tell him that part.

The boyfriend is a good person, and let Fievel stay. The only condition was that I take Fievel to the vet to see if he was the disease ridden, plague monster that all mice are.

Fievel passed the vet test with flying colors. the vet was taken by Fievel's adorableness, as all who meet him are, and said he hadn't seen such a young mouse on his own. I asked how old my dear Fievel was, the answer was 3 weeks. Mice don't even get fur until around 10 days, so he was far too young to be away from his family. Orphan = good story = future hero.

The first time the boyfriend held Fievel, he said, "I was not prepared for how cute he is." A co-worker went from "Ew, you TOUCHED it?" to "He's sitting in my hand! He's so cute!" in 24 hours. Fievel, the hero of all that is cute. The only problem, was he was small enough to fit through the bars of the first mouse house the boyfriend got him. So we had to get a house without bars. He's happy now, and cannot escape. Yet.

Fievel celebrated his 2 month birthday last week and he has about doubled in size. He's the fastest thing on four legs, and if he gets away from you his favorite game is "try and get me out from behind the bookshelves". He is the only one who likes that game.

So that is the origin story of Fievel. I'm not sure, other than Hero of all that is Cute, what Fievel's legendary destiny is, but I'm very glad that the boyfriend and I are his Ma and Pa Kent. (Superman reference, if you missed that one)

Born in the dirty tunnels of the LA Subway system, lost from his family, alone, dirty and hopeless. It was looking dire until he was rescued by a kind soul and her handsome boyfriend. From the streets to the penthouse. This, is the story of Fievel: A Mouse Among Mice. Hero to the cute underdog, savior to all the cute fluffy things. Coming to a theater near you Summer 2012.