I Mean It With Love...

So, by now some of you may realized that this isn't one of the ever so popular mommy blogs that are out there. Don't get me wrong, most of the blogs I read are mommy blogs (no idea why, other than these women are hilarious and fantastic and recognize the good in a glass of their favorite adult beverage of choice) Like I Like Beer And Babies, Pile Of Babies, Via Ukraine, Toulouse And Tonic, and Brittany, Herself. Anyway, that's mostly what I read. And no, it isn't some I NEED BABIES womanly hormone brain alteration, but reading these blogs does give me a blurry, but probably accurate view of how I might end up being as a mother.

I envision future children half dressed in pajamas and costumes, high on cheerios and apple juice and the thrill of creating a lego minefield in the living room; while I'm hiding somewhere with a book and a hard cider waiting for them to remember that we're playing "hide and seek" and it's their turn to "find" mommy.

Anyway, aside from the blogs, the other thing that has possibly given me the strongest view of my type of parenting is the owning of Felix...The Boyfriend's and my kitten.

So, here is a list of things that I do and say to Felix, that may carry over into future parenting.

1. Giving the little ones nicknames. For example I call Felix; Kitten, Felix Felicis (her actual name), Darling, Sweetness, Monstrosity, Sweet Satan, Darling Demon, Spawn of Satan, Terrible, ForTheLoveOfGodPleaseStop, I hate you.

2. Play Games, all sorts. We like to play: rope (playing with a piece of rope), basket (she likes a small plastic easter basket), jingle stick (wave the jingle stick), Sherriff (lock her in the bathroom, I mean jail), knock the pill bottles to the floor, chew on/through the electrical cords, try and get Fievel (the mouse), and knock things from the bathroom counter into the litter box.

3. Plan Outings. Because adventure is awesome. We plan trips like: Let's go to China Town they like cats there (for dinner), let's go back to the animal shelter and leave you there, let's go to the post office and mail you somewhere, and let's go have you exorcised by a priest.

4. Appropriate punishments for bad behavior. Sometimes she does misbehave, so I: threaten to tie her up with her rope, duct tape her to the floor/ceiling, break her legs, lock her away forever, take her back to the shelter, take her to a China Town buffet, and sell her to passing Gypsies.

5. Reward good behavior. Sometimes I remember to give her a treat...or use it as bribery to get her into the bathroom to be locked up (I mean, in time-out) until she stops being quite so demonic.

All in all, I do love having her and most of the time she is sweet and adorable. Thank god she's adorable, because that's the main reason that keeps her alive. For a 7 month old kitten, she is actually very gentle and fairly well behaved. She reminds me of this poem by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.

There was a little girl

-Longfellow

There was a little girl,

Who had a little curl,

Right in the middle of her forehead.

When she was good,

She was very good indeed,

But when she was bad she was horrid.

Since I don't foresee myself changing all that much from how I am as a pet owner to how I would be with small children...this is an acceptable style of parenting, right? I mean, I know Felix doesn't really understand English, so with future children, I might not say all of these things out loud...since they would be likely to be repeated. And last time I checked, cannibalism is frowned upon, so there are no back ally restaurants readily available. The future children will turn out okay, though, right? Right?

I'm sure the cuteness factor will help, it is definitely working for the kitten.

E.A.A. (Enhanced Abilities Anonymous) - Chapter 2

Fiction Friday!!!! Sorry for missing last week see Busy Busy Busy for reasons why.

Previously on E.A.A.

Chapter 2

Kent stood in a shadowed doorway and watched four more people enter the room. He worried that the others would have abilities that were useful, that they would see his as truly worthless. He was afraid that he wouldn’t fit in with the last group of people that he could possibly even stand a chance of fitting in with.

He took a breath, raised his chin, and did what he had done every day of his high school experience. He walked into a room and pretended like he wouldn’t care what anyone said or did to him. He opened the door and the seven people seated in chairs all turned to him.

DJ smiled. “Would you like to join us?”

The others in the room looked perfectly normal, a little timid maybe. A person with exciting enhanced abilities always walked with a confidant glint in their eye and a spring in their step. People like Kent tended to look at the ground more and try to blend in with the background. There were three women and four men besides Kent. They were average, the poster person for every man and every woman. Some looked young, barely twenty, and others like DJ looked closer to forty.

Kent took a seat between DJ and another man.

DJ looked at the group and took a drink of his coffee. “As you can see, we have a new member. I know it’s hard to come here, so I hope you can all feel a sense of home here. Let’s go around the circle and introduce ourselves.” He paused. “I’ll start. My name is DJ, it doesn’t really stand for anything, my parents just named me two letters. I have to line my hat with tinfoil otherwise I’ll pick up every radio station on this planet.” He closed his eyes and removed his hat for a moment to show the tinfoil inside. His face registered intense concentration until he put the hat back on.

The woman to the other side of DJ, was one of the younger ones, small in stature and light hair and eyes. “I’m Claire. I can turn invisible, but only about ten percent of me at one time. Like one hand, or my nose and an ear, or one shin.” She sighed. “Completely obnoxious when I was a kid and couldn’t control it.” She shrugged with a half smile.

“I’m Elmer.” He was somewhere in his forties and a little on the heavier side, there was a sock stuck to the leg of his pants. “I experience constant static cling.” His hair was a little wild, like he had an encounter with balloons wild.

Claire leaned over and pulled off the sock with a sympathetic smile. She handed it to him.

“Thanks.” He tried to shove it into his pocket, but only succeeded in getting it halfway in without it sticking to his hands.

The woman directly across from Kent looked to be about his age. She had a pair of headphones hanging around her neck, the cord disappeared to an ipod in her pocket. Her hair was dark and her eyes vibrant green. “I’m Violet. I can communicate with plants. All plants. They kind of never shut up.” She met Kent’s gaze. “Trees tend to think they’re the best, a lot of flowers are egocentric, house plants gossip, and grass screams when you cut it...” She sort of trailed off, like she hadn’t quite meant to say that last part.

Kent felt immensely guilty for working in a greenhouse now, though he did wonder what was being said around him.

The woman next to Violet was a little older and had black hair. “I’m Eve. I can tell you the exact time, down to the second, without looking at a clock or the position of the sun or anything. I could be in a completely silent, pitch black room and tell you the exact time, in any time zone.”

The next man stared into his coffee cup before he looked up. He had a faint Scottish accent. “I’m Glen.” He let out a slow breath. “You know how some people can like, blend in with their background? Like a chameleon? Or they can turn other colors? I can turn any color of plaid you could think of, which is only helpful if like, I find myself in a fabric store or the Scots invade.” He took a drink of coffee and looked to the man next to him.

“I’m Seamus.” He had intense eyes, like a police detective, and a presence to match. “Anything sticky; tape, glue, band-aids, gum…it won’t stick to me.” He shrugged.

Kent realized everyone was now looking at him, waiting to know. His palms were sweating and his mouth was dry. He glanced over at DJ.

Violet smiled at him. “It’s all right. We’re all here for the same reason.”

He nodded and took a slow breath. “I’m Kent.” He focused on the floor as he spoke. “I can, well it’s a little hard to explain. You know how fireflies sort of glow at one end?” He never had to explain this before, usually people didn’t know or they found out by accident. “I can do that, but only at one end.”

Seamus chewed his coffee straw. “So, your butt glows.”

“Yeah.” Kent could feel himself blush.

“I knew a guy whose nose glowed like Rudolph. At least you can wear pants to cover it up.” Seamus shrugged and took a drink of coffee.

Kent sighed, the relief of actually telling someone rather than them finding out was sort of nice.

The rest of the meeting was mostly just hanging out and talking about jobs and bad dates they went on and ways they have found to either blend in or find some sort of use for their ability. There was also a bit of conversation about being envious of those with enhanced abilities that were more “useful”.

“How’d you hear about this group, Kent?” Glen asked towards the end of the meeting.

He smiled a little. “A friend told me about it. She’s dating a guy who knows a lot of things, and he knew about this.”

DJ turned to Kent. “The Encyclopedia?”

“You’re friends with him?” Claire watched him carefully.

Kent hated attention focused on him. “Well, no. His girlfriend, Imogene, we’re friends. She told me about the meeting.”

“Did she make you go?” Elmer asked in the tone of voice usually reserved for conversations that involved the phrase “tell me where the man touched you”.

“No. We’ve been friends since we were kids. She doesn’t make me do things.” He felt like he had done something wrong. “She never has.”

The thing was, people like Imogene and Dex were sort of held in different social circles because they could actually do things that people needed. They were asked to help by people like the police and the mayor and on rare cases, the president. So there was a bit of a social caste system among the enhanced ability population. Most people had heard of Imogene and Dex through the news headlines and interviews on morning talk shows. Imogene could influence people’s decisions and put thoughts or images into their heads and Dex literally knew everything. It wasn’t that people like Kent couldn’t be friends with people like Imogene, it was just that it didn’t happen very often and it didn’t work out very well in the long run.

“I think it’s great, that you’re friends first and everything else after that.” Violet said. She smiled at Kent. “I think that’s how it should be.”

For the first time in Kent’s entire life, he finally felt like he had a place, like he was understood, like he was a person and not just something he could do. Unfortunately that feeling mostly only existed on Tuesday nights in the room after the women finished talking about their weight watching.

To be continued.

Busy, Busy, Busy

I always say that in my head as the Magician from Frosty The Snowman. Busy, busy, busy! (start about 1:09)

Anyway, I haven't forgotten about you. My mom was in town the past week, so I was kind of everywhere. I think I was out and doing more things in one week than I do in an entire month combined. Add that to the past two weeks of museum birthday fun...and I am definitely activity-ed out. Seriously. I need some hermit alone do not leave the apartment time.

One fun highlight from my mom being here was a trip to Madame Tussauds's wax museum. WAY more fun that I thought it would be. Here are some pictures The Boyfriend and I took. (there were many more inappropriate things we wanted to do, being the mature adults we are, but my mom was around so we toned it down a little)

Here's a summary of things done with my mom:

Tuesday: she arrived, and we hung out for an hour that evening at the apartment.

Wednesday: we went shopping at Burbank, fun but exhausting, then we dinnered.

Thursday: we walked around Hollywood like tourists. (Hollywood tourists annoy me) Then we had dinner with Josh, which took forever because there was this table of like 20 guys and their wives who wanted to SPLIT UP THE CHECK and ALL 20 GUYS had to go up to the poor waitress at the register and “HELP” her and stand there until it was done. So dinner took forever.

Friday: was getting brunch at Portos (delicious) and then hanging around Burbank before going to a taping of the come back of the show Whose Line Is It Anyway? Which was fun, but lots of people again.

Saturday: was doing the Madame Tussauds's Wax Museum, which was way more fun than I thought it would be, and then dinner at the Magic Castle.

Sunday: was a movie at the El Capitan and then dinner at Pig and Whistle.

Monday: was driving Mulholland Drive and then doing a stage old time radio show thing that is awesome (Called THe Thrilling Adventure Hour).

Tuesday: Tuesday she flew out at 3, so she had to leave by noon. We had agreed earlier that we would get brunch or something and then she would head out. (we got a pretzel and walked around Hollywood some more before she left)

So, yeah. I'm done doing stuff for a while. Also, more Fiction Friday to come...on Friday, as the name implies.

Bye! I am going to build a box fort and never leave...until I run out of books or snacks (and by snacks I probably mean candy and hard cider).

E.A.A. (Enhanced Abilities Anonymous) - Chapter 1

Fiction Friday is finally a real thing!!!

So, remember in that post a LONG time ago, I asked you for useless super abilities, and then said I'd write a story and update it on Fridays, and call it Fiction Friday?

Yeah, so I finally got around to that. First, thank you for the superhero suggestions. Second, I don't know how long this story will be, but I'll be updating it in about 1000 word chapters "every" Friday. I'm going to try really hard to do this. Third, feel free to add suggestions, edits if you want, whatever. I'm pretty much just uploading this as I write it, so there will be typos and whatnot.

I hope you enjoy.

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E.A.A. (Enhanced Abilities Anonymous) - Chapter 1

Kent was sprawled out on his couch, the windows open and the radio on to cover most of the sound of the city below. He was bored, but worse than that, it was the middle of summer and the hottest on record. He honestly didn’t mind the heat, it was the clothing that went with it.

Given a choice, he would wear only black pants. Thick, black pants, but that was nearly impossible when it was sunny and 100 degrees. He couldn’t go out like this, not in just a tee shirt and shorts and especially not at night. It was best to stay in and be bored.

The song on the radio changed and the lyrics caught Kent’s attention. …yoooouuu light up my liiiifeeee. With a frustrated growl, he threw a throw pillow at the radio and knocked it to the floor where it was silenced.

His cell phone rang from his pocket and he was tempted to just let it ring, but he was bored and hot and had no plans. “Hello?”

“Kent, what are you doing tonight?” Imogene sounded way too excited.

He had known Imogene since middle school, they bonded by a similar “talent”, but she had found a use for hers and Kent, well, he hadn’t. She was successful, well liked (though she could make anyone like her) and had a great boyfriend who was also successful. She had her life together at age 25, Kent was either at work in a greenhouse for a floral arrangement company or at home, alone.

“Dex knows of-” She gushed on.

Kent ran a hand over his sweaty face. “I don’t care what Dex knows.”

“I know you two don’t get along, but he’s just trying to help. I care about you, Kent.”

“None of your mind tricks.” He sat up and sighed. “What does he know?”

He could practically hear her smiling over the phone. “There’s a group. They meet tonight, well every Tuesday, and today is Tuesday. People like you, Kent.”

“Like me?”

She paused, shifted the phone. “You know, with talents that, well, are unused…”

“Worthless. Talents that are worthless.”

“Kent.”

He slumped back into the couch. “No. Thanks, but no.”

“I’ll come over there and make you.” She wasn’t kidding.

He was beat and he knew it. “Fine. What time?”

“Eight. The basement of the community center.” She paused. “I’ll know if you do show up.”

“Tell Dex to stay out of my business.”

She sighed. “He can’t help it, Kent. You should know that. Talk to you later, yeah?”

“Yeah, talk to you later.” He hung up and took a deep breath.

Kent wavered back and forth between the pros and cons of not going. This wasn’t Imogene’s first attempt to prove his usefulness to himself, but he wasn’t easily convinced. In the age where people can read minds, lift cars like feathers, fly without planes, enjoy the benefits of laser vision and all of the other things that the X-Men predicted ahead of their time…he was one of the unlucky ones that got stuck with something nobody needed. It made sense, not every enhanced ability could be considered super. Some people had to be stuck with the useless talents, like that kid in elementary school who could lick his elbow. Fascinating, but after a while nobody cared and he became the punch-line to jokes and fists. Most often, when asked if he had an enhanced ability, he denied it. Most people didn’t do things out of comic books; it was more like people who were brilliant musicians or athletes or artists. Some people had it and they were special and some people were just people.

Then there were the few people like Kent, special, but desperately wishing they weren’t anything at all.

He might as well go, he had nothing to lose at this point. He found the darkest pair of jeans in his closet, tucked his black shirt in and put on a button shirt. He had to roll the sleeves up because it was still hellishly hot. He glanced in the mirror, he didn’t look too out of place now that it was evening. He was thankful that it was socially acceptable for guys to wear tight fitting jeans again, that JNCO jeans fad in the early 2000s was his worst fashion nightmare.

His last minute wardrobe check involved him stepping into his closet and shutting the door. In the complete darkness he looked to where he knew the mirror to be and waited to see if he saw anything of himself. If he didn’t, he was good to go out.

Kent grabbed his keys, his metro pass and his wallet from the counter as he left. It was two subway stops to the community center, a total of ten agonizing minutes.

The community center had been built forty years ago in an effort to give kids a non-violent outlet after school. It offered basketball courts, an assorted collection of athletic equipment, rooms available for classes or meetings and an auditorium. The hallways were dim and echoed footsteps, the ceiling tiles were water stained, but at least it was air conditioned to the point of being reminiscent of a walk-in freezer.

Anxiety tightened in Kent’s stomach as he kept walking. The sign on the bulletin board said room 217, right after the Weight Watchers meeting. The door opened just as he arrived and a handful of women left. They glared at the man holding a bakery box of cookies who stood a few feet away from Kent. The man looked normal, nothing that would identify why he was waiting for the same meeting Kent was. He was tall, skinny and wore a baseball hat.

Kent had heard about some people who were permanently lime green, or had gills and had to live near the ocean…but he was fairly sure that a lot of those stories were from tabloids and gossip. He hoped anyway, he didn’t want anyone to be cursed with anything worse that a useless ability.

“Here for E.A.A.?” The man smiled.

Kent nodded slightly.

“Everyone’s nervous at their first meeting.” He waited for the last Weight Watching woman to leave the room. “Come on in.”

The man set the box of cookies on a table next to an industrial coffee maker.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” Kent surprised himself by asking.

He turned. “Set the chairs up in a circle? I’m going to get this coffee going.” He extended his hand. “Everyone calls me DJ.”

“Kent.” He returned the handshake.

DJ left to fill the coffee maker with fresh water and Kent set up the chairs in a circlesque shape. He didn’t notice the two other people enter until he had turned around. All the sudden he had the feeling that it was a bad idea to leave his apartment at all.

“I’m, I’ll be right back. Get a drink of water.” He mumbled and left the room.

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To be continued next week...

A Very Merry Un-Birthday!!

This past weekend The Boyfriend, Cupcake Friend, and I went to the Natural History Museum in L.A. This is one of my favorite places ever. I mean, dinosaur fossils, animal dioramas from just about every continent, a polar bear that you can actually hug, and stuff about archeology. Nerdy dreams do come true! Anyway, we all went because Cupcake Friend will be out of town for my birthday party at LACMA, so we did an un-birthday museum party.

Here are some pictures. Sometimes I take a lot of pictures of EVERYTHING, but this time I just wanted to be there with my friends.

Yes, my shirt does say "all my friends are dead". It seemed appropriate and one of the museum workers said my shirt was awesome.

There was an AMAZING puppet show that we saw...we were thinking lame puppet show, but then this came out. Mind. Blown.

And I don't know why, but this was the funniest thing to me. It was a closed gift shop/merch storage room in the basement. It was like a sad/hilarious pet shop. I was the only one who found it funny. I don't know.

Then we hit the gift shop and I got socks that look like sharks eating my feet, astronaut ice cream (delicious), and the most amazing Tea-Rex mug from The Boyfriend. Just because I said in my last post that I wanted nothing for my birthday, doesn't mean that little things won't completely make my day.

I'm gonna go make some Tea(-Rex).

Next weekend is the Stanley Kubrick exhibit and then the space shuttle Endeavour! Turning (2)7 is pretty darn good. Give me dinosaurs, astronauts, museums, and people I love and I am on cloud nine.

A very merry un-birthday to you (or birthday if today is your day). I hope yours is as happy as mine is/will be.

April!?!?!?!

When did that happen?

I know, yesterday, on the 1st...but still. I keep half wondering when St. Patrick's day is.

The Boyfriend and I had a quiet and relaxing Easter weekend, it was really nice. We found easter baskets and hid/found eggs and dyed other eggs and watched 80s horror movies and CSI: Miami. You know, typical Easter things. I hope you all had good holidays, whatever holiday you celebrated.

It's 12 days until my birthday, and that seems unreal. People (like my parents and The Boyfriend) keep asking what I want by way of presents, and I can't really think of anything. Books, always, but other than that, nothing. I have lots of things and I'm really happy right now. People tend not to believe me when I reply "nothing" when asked the "what do you want?" question.

The first instance was when I was about six, I sat on Santa's lap and he said, "What do you want for Christmas?" and I sweetly replied, "Nothing." And I meant it. There weren't any toys that I couldn't live without, there wasn't anything I didn't have that my little six year old self desperately wanted. Santa tried to convince me to want a doll or a bike....but I had those. So, he said he'd have to think hard about it and find me something special. Then I got a candy cane and was on my way.

Christmas morning, there were presents for me and I'm sure I loved them, I'm sure I was happy. I'm sure I was convinced that Santa got me something special. But I think I would have been happy with anything, because I was happy to begin with.

That's how this birthday is. Sure, there are things I would like...some new jeans and chuck taylors, but there's nothing "birthday big" that I want. And I'm okay with that. All I need from my parents or The Boyfriend is that they thought about me and loved me on my birthday. However that is shown, I'll be happy. Because I already am.

I don't mean this to be some sappy, hearts and flowers post...even though that's what it ended up as. I just wanted to explain why I don't want anything special for my birthday. I want to go to the science center with The Boyfriend and see the space shuttle, I want to see my friends and go to the Stanley Kubrick exhibit at LACMA (Los Angeles County Museum of Art), I want to see dinosaur bones at the Natural History Museum with friends...and I'm getting all of those things. I'm excited for my birthday. I don't want anything else. Honestly.

So, when asked what I want for my birthday, I will say nothing and I will mean it. I'm not trying to be selfless or above material possessions; it's just that I'm happy where I am.

I hope you all want nothing for your birthday, in all the best ways.