It's The Comeback, Kid.

You're not mistaken, it has been about two months (to the day) since my last post. Yes, I have completely shattered the idea that I would post once a week. I'm going to try to get back to that, and I swear, for the one person that I know reads Fiction Friday...I won't leave Kent and Violet hanging.

So, here's what's been up.

Ah, man. That opening sequence...gets me every time.

For realz, though.

So, the beginning of August, I was let go from my job. Yeah, came as a total shock to me, too. Like, TOTAL shock. But, looking at it (and with the proper dosage of Paxil) it wasn't the right place for me. I was incredibly stressed out by the office vibes, paranoid, and jumpy. I didn't have the right background to do well, so everything I was doing (thought it was my best) just wasn't enough. It sort of felt like trying to do a simple surgery after studying an anatomy book, watching a few episodes of ER, and being pretty good at the game of "Operation".

So, anyway. That was on a Monday...happy Monday! And I got home, was sad for a bit and then applied to places like The Natural History Museum and Whimsic Alley. I didn't get those jobs, but it was fun to apply. I was officially unemployed for a total of one week. I also suspect that a lot of my "this is a new opportunity, I can do whatever I want" came from the awesomeness that is The Boyfriend. To be all mushy and lovey-gross for a moment; he makes everything better and when I freak out about how I'm going to end up strung out on skid row because I don't have a job...he reminds me to take a Xanax and also that he won't let that happen.

I got a new job as assistant to an owner of an auto body shop, a bit random, I know; but the title also comes with the job description of "writer". Any letters, voicemail messages for the after hours phone number, emails, and memos...I have the opportunity to write for him. It's actually nice being able to use my B.A. in Creative Writing for good use. I'm happier, more relaxed even though I have to deal with more people, and happier. It was one of those situations, where I didn't realize that I wasn't happy until I was somewhere else.

Also, I'm about 4 blocks away from Whimsic Alley.

Lately I have been thinking of blog posts I want to write, random things, as is my style. But I knew I owed you this one, first.

And, I sprained my foot last weekend. I was walking, wearing flats, tripped on an uneven spot of sidewalk, nearly recovered, and then fell completely to the ground. Yes, I'm that graceful and talented.

My mom asked if I fell off my shoes, and that was the reason...again, I was wearing flats. My boss asked what else I was doing besides walking...nothing, just walking.

The x-ray proved it wasn't broken, though it felt like it and a week later it's still sore and bruised. Go me!

That's about 3 days after it happened...yeah.

Anyway, that's about all that's happened. A complete job shift in addition to the usual Lupus temper tantrums (they only last about a day, if I can sleep them off) and the usual Felix mischief. Speaking of, she had a birthday last week, one year old. Now she can grow up and calm the hell down.

I'm not sure if fiction friday will return this week, I've been staying late at work to try and get ahead of the Christmas card project; somewhere in the neighborhood of 9000 cards...yeah. Anyway, things are good, different, but good.

Here's to weekly blog posts again and getting back into the normal routine of life.

So, Halloween is coming up fast...and I've done little other than think about how I want to do a femme version of Alex from A Clockwork Orange.

I think I just want an excuse to wear suspenders, a black bowler, and carry a pimp cane.

Whatevs.

See you next week.

Still Here

Yes, I am completely aware that I have not posted here in about a month. The unplanned absence was due to a number of things which did not break my fingers, did not render me unable to remember words, and did not strand me someplace without any sort of electricity or internet. It was mostly a combination of being busy, being out of state, and my own crazy throwing a crazy party in my crazy head.

First, the good stuff, because everyone likes good stuff. I went back to Minnesota to see family and friends and visit where I grew up. I go about twice a year, and while I love having a week of winter with snow and cold...there is something beautiful about the vibrant greenness of a Minnesota summer. As oppressive as the humidity can be and as ravenous as the mosquitos are...there is a persistent, intense, deep passion for everything to be as green as it possibly can be.

I got to visit my best friend's adorable and perfect little baby boy. He is as sweet as he is adorable. I got to visit with my best friend and talk and catch up and discuss how impossible it is that our 10 year high school reunion is next year and that in a few months she will have a one year old child. I saw family friends, and my mom, and biked a total of 24 miles. I saw the new library and talked with the librarians who still remember me from the summers I spent there as a kid. I got a donut from the bakery and saw the house I grew up in.

Pictures!!

So that was the good. Will all of the friends and green and catching up, there was no time to sit down and write.

Now the less good.

As mentioned in Stressy McStresserson work has been sort of a stressful place. Both before I left for Minnesota and after I returned, I've just felt paranoid and resentful towards a few co-workers and in a mental war of standing up for myself and wanting to duck my head and stay under the radar. I know what I need to do, I just need to shove the anxiety aside and do it. Easier said than done, but I will.

Since February, I've sort of felt like things haven't slowed down; one big event after another. All good things, but exhausting none the less. It's like I can't hardly keep up, when I've just about caught my breath, something else comes and I'm off and running again. Some panic attacks have returned as well as just a higher level of constant stress despite my best efforts to keep things in perspective and calm myself.

So, after a few doctor's appointments, I've increased my anti-anxiety medication a little. Hopefully things will calm down again.

I'm trying to get back to things I like, reading and writing and feeling calmer. The busy and crazy have just taken my desire or the feeling of having enough to sit down and write, but I'm fighting for it.

There are other things I want to write about that have been happening, like my making a new friend, but she deserves at least an entire post to herself and I need to think more about how to write it so that it comes across right. It's a complicated situation, sort of out of the box for most people's friendships. But I like her and I don't make many new friends, because I don't enjoy talking to many new people.

A lot of what I've learned this past year is that my anxiety and the way I don't want to deal with crowds or feel the need to have a million friends...that is as much my own unique personality as it is anything else. I don't need to be the life of the party or even like parties. Who I am is enough, and while there are things I would like to do without (anxiety), fundamentally, this is me and nothing has to change. Life isn't high school, I don't "need" to fit myself into a clique. My friends are who I choose to surround myself with, my social life is when I choose to engage in it, the people I love and those who love me understand that and that's why we're friends.

Fiction Friday will return at some point, when things sort of get back on track. It feels good to be back here.

To The Brim

This past weekend, in trend with the previous couple months of weekends, was...(wait for it). Busy. Shocking, I know. Thing is, for this little introvert a lot of busy goes a long way. I'm ready for a bit of a break before things pick up again.

What, you may ask, has kept me so busy this last weekend? Disney. Well, Disneyland to be exact. One of my good friends from college was down visiting family and friends in L.A., she was also visiting Disneyland frequently. So, Friday I went to Disney with her and we stayed from 10:30 a.m. to 1 a.m. Yeah, we shut it down.

Saturday was spent running errands. I had my therapy session, had to pick up some things from temptation Target, and then had a 5k scavenger hunt in Downtown L.A. at 8 p.m.

You heard me, 5k. The running part wasn't the part that had me freaking out with worry. I've been going to the gym and liking it, it was the scavenger hunt part. My anxiety/O.C.D. had me convinced that I would be a terrible teammate. I would let my fellow seekers down, I would slow the team up, I wouldn't be able to contribute anything useful, I would be dead weight or worse, a hindrance. I wasn't any of those terrible things. By the end though, I was done. There is only so much looking for things that I can't find before I get fed up, apathetic, and overwhelmed. It was fun though, and we got to dress up in awesome neon clothes and bedeck ourselves in glow sticks.

Sunday, The Boyfriend and I returned to Disneyland with my friend, her baby, her sister-in-law, and the sister-in-law's boyfriend. It was a good group, Disneyland was less busy than expected, and we had an amazing time. It was 98 degrees and sunny, for this little Lupus girl, sunburn=death, so I was covered in sunscreen. Even then, the heat got to me about mid-day and I simply couldn't think. Thankfully I was revived with ice cream, air conditioning and water.

I never knew I liked Disney so much, it must be a reflection of the people I went with.

So, that was the whirlwind weekend. This weekend is just appointments and watching movies. Then next weekend is The Boyfriend's birthday. We're going to Catalina Island for the weekend, and it will be amazing.

Felix and I had the same sentiment on Monday, when it was time to go to work...